Supporting Your Child’s Mental Health: Navigating the Back-to-School Transition

Written by Amanda Turco (DiBalsi), M.S., LPC

As summer winds down and back-to-school preparation begins, it is common for children and teens to experience a mix of emotions. Some may feel excited to return to a routine, reconnect with friends, get organized, or start the school year with a renewed sense of motivation. Others may feel uncertain, overwhelmed, or anxious about what the new school year will bring.

A new school year can bring many unknowns: What will my classes be like? Who will be in my classes? Will I have anyone to sit with at lunch? Will I make new friends? Will my teachers be difficult? Can I keep up with the workload?

For some children and teens, these worries become even more pronounced when transitioning to a new school, entering a more academically demanding grade, or facing increased expectations and responsibilities. Even a child who typically manages change well may experience some anxiety when faced with a new routine and unfamiliar expectations. And it is not just kids who experience the transition. Parents may find themselves carrying their own worries: Will my child adjust? What if they struggle socially? What if their anxiety gets worse? How much should I step in?

The good news is that you do not need to have all the answers. One of the most powerful things you can offer your child is a calm, connected, and confident presence. As you navigate the transition back to school, it can be helpful to understand what is typical, recognize when your child may need additional support, and learn ways to support them without unintentionally increasing their anxiety.

What Does “Normal” Back to School Stress Look Like?
Some stress and anxiety during a transition are completely normal. In fact, a certain amount of nervousness can be expected when children are facing new experiences, change in expectations, and new routines. You may notice:

Nervousness or excitement, which can sometimes show up as irritability, frustration, or withdrawal.
Increased worry or reassurance-seeking about friends, teachers, classes, homework, transportation, or daily routines.
Changes in sleep, particularly as your child adjusts from a summer schedule to an earlier wake up time. Anxiety itself can also make it more difficult to fall or stay asleep.
Physical complaints, such as stomachaches, headaches, fatigue, or feeling “sick,” particularly before school or when discussing school-related situations.
Difficulty separating from parents or increased reluctance to attend school.
Temporary difficulty with organization or focus as your child adjusts to new routines and expectations.

Some back-to-school nerves may resolve as your child becomes more familiar with their new routine. However, persistent or worsening anxiety or sadness may signal that your child needs additional support. Pay attention to significant changes in sleep or appetite, withdrawing from friends or activities they typically enjoy, a noticeable decline in academic or daily functioning, increased self-criticism, persistent physical complaints, or statements of hopelessness or self-harm. When in doubt, seek support. You don’t need to wait until your child’s distress becomes severe before reaching out to a mental health professional, pediatrician, school counselor, or another trusted provider! That said, there are things you can do to support your student’s mental health as they head back to school.

4 Ways Parents Can Support Their Child/Teen’s Mental Health:
1. Don’t Underestimate the Power of Routine
Routines provide children with predictability, structure, and a sense of security. As the school year approaches, begin gradually shifting your child back toward their school-year schedule rather than expecting them to make a dramatic adjustment overnight. Consider prioritizing:

Get serious about consistent sleep and wake times. Sleep plays an important role in mood, attention, emotional regulation, and overall well-being. Begin moving bedtime and wake-up times closer to the school schedule before the first day whenever possible.
Help them build a predictable homework routine. There is no “perfect” homework hack. Consider when and where your child is most focused. For some children, homework works best after a snack and short brain break. Others may benefit from doing it after dinner or after taking some more time to decompress. Just be careful not to reinforce procrastination or avoidance, which might make doing homework more stressful or difficult.
Ensure regular meals – and snacks! Try to build predictable times for meals and snacks into the day. When possible, family meals can also provide an opportunity for connection and conversation without the pressure of asking your child directly about school.
Build time for self care. Children and teens need time to recharge, spend time with people they enjoy, and participate in activities that are meaningful to them, just like adults do. Protecting time for these activities can help reduce burnout and support overall well-being. As they progress through school, scheduled fill up and the list of extra-curricular activities lengthen. Make sure to check in with your child that these activities are still manageable along with their academics, and they can fit in rest. Children might need support to balance their priorities and remember that not everything needs to be at 100%.

2. Be a “Sturdy Leader:” Calm, Consistent, and Confident
When children and teens are struggling or going through a difficult stage, parents naturally often become more anxious, worried, or irritable. That makes complete sense! You love your kid, and you don’t want them to suffer or struggle. However, children are very attuned to their parents’ emotions and quickly pick up on your energy. When they sense that you’re unsure or worried, it can actually unintentionally reinforce their own anxiety or avoidance. Similarly, when you are inconsistent with boundaries or give in easily when your child pushes back, they can learn that persistence or escalation works to change the outcome. Being a sturdy leader means staying calm and empathetic while also holding appropriate boundaries, even when your child/teen is unhappy with them. Children may not always want boundaries around screen time, homework, bedtime, or responsibilities. In fact, they usually don’t! And they might push back quite strongly. In fact, they may push back loudly and strongly.

Now, that doesn’t mean the boundary is wrong! Children and teens need adults to provide structure, especially when they are not yet able to consistently provide it for themselves. You can validate their frustration by holding the boundary and calmly saying, “I know you like to catch up with your friends at this time. It’s frustrating to stop when you’re having fun and I get you don’t want to miss out. It’s late and time to give me your phone so you can get ready for bed.” You can be compassionate without giving in and firm without becoming harsh or angry.

3. Validate Feelings While Communicating Confidence
One of the most common things I hear from teens is some version of “I don’t want my parents to fix it. I just want them to listen.” Children and teens want to feel heard and understood! When they are upset, our instinct can be to immediately offer reassurance, advice, solutions, or perspective. Sometimes, however, what they need is someone to sit in the emotions with them. Instead of: “Don’t worry. You’ll be fine. You’re going to have a great year!” Try: “It makes sense that you’re nervous, there are a lot of unknowns right now.” You don’t have to fix it. Sometimes just validating their experience makes a huge difference.

That said, validation is only part of the equation. You also want to communicate confidence in our child’s ability to cope. This creates a powerful formula: Validation + Confidence = Effective Support. This might sound like, “I know this is hard, but you have handled new situations before, and I trust that you can figure this one out, too.”

4. Build Resilience Instead of Rescuing
As parents, your instinct is often to protect your children from distress. It’s understandable to want to immediately remove whatever is causing their discomfort. When you see them struggling, of course you want to step in, solve the problem, make the phone call, email the teacher, change the situation, or allow them to avoid whatever is making them anxious. And sometimes, children genuinely do need an adult to intervene. But in many scenarios, they are capable and able to get through, it’s just going to be uncomfortable and a big of a struggle, but getting through discomfort and appropriately challenging situations is how humans grow and build resilience!! When you consistently remove uncomfortable experiences, children and teens may not have the opportunity to discover that they are capable of handling them.

“Saving” them from the discomfort can provide short-term relief, but it also reinforces the idea that the situation was too difficult to handle in the first place. Over time, this can contribute to avoidance and decreased confidence. To help your child learn that difficult emotions and experiences are manageable, even when they cannot immediately make those feelings go away, you can try creating scenarios where they can practice:

Tolerating uncomfortable emotions
Problem-solving collaboratively
Modeling healthy emotional regulation strategies
Gradually approaching situations they are avoiding
Learning from mistakes rather than viewing them as failures
Recovering from disappointments and setbacks
Developing confidence in their ability to cope with uncertainty

The goal as parents is not to make sure our children never experience uncomfortable emotions. In fact, discomfort is an inevitable part of growing up. Instead, we want to help kids develop the skills and confidence to navigate emotions when they arise. As the school year begins, remember that adjustment takes time. Give yourself and your child permission to have an imperfect start. Stay connected, remain curious, and promote confidence. If you are noticing persistent warning signs or need additional support, don’t hesitate to reach out for help. We’re here for you.

For more support navigating common back-to-school challenges—including school anxiety, friendship difficulties, perfectionism, and screen time—join us for our upcoming webinar on September 9th. You can register here.