Building Healthy Relationships with Food and Body: A Parent’s Guide

Written by Dr. Paulina Syracuse, lead clinician in CHH’s Somerset County, NJ location

Children and teens today are growing up in a world filled with messages about food, weight, and appearance. From social media and advertisements to conversations among peers, they are constantly exposed to ideas about how they “should” look and eat. As a result, many parents wonder how they can help their children develop a healthy relationship with food and their bodies. While parents can’t control every message their children encounter, they can create a home environment that promotes self-acceptance, flexibility, and confidence.

What Does a Healthy Relationship with Food Look Like?

When children and teens begin to associate food with guilt, shame, or earning and burning calories, eating can become stressful instead of enjoyable. A healthy relationship with food is about much more than nutrition. It involves trusting our bodies, eating a variety of foods without guilt, and recognizing that food serves many purposes. Food nourishes us, provides energy, brings people together, and is often a meaningful part of celebrations and traditions.

Children and teens with healthy eating habits learn to:

Recognize and respond to their hunger and fullness cues
Enjoy a wide variety of foods without labeling them as “good” or “bad”
View eating as flexible rather than rule-based
Understand that all foods can fit within a balanced lifestyle

What Does a Healthy Body Image Look Like?

Many people assume that having a healthy body image means loving your appearance every day. While feeling positively about your appearance can certainly be part of a healthy body image, it is not the whole picture. Having a healthy body image can include much more – respecting and caring for your body, appreciating what it allows you to do, and recognizing that your worth is not determined by your appearance.

Children and teens benefit from learning that:

Bodies naturally come in many different shapes, sizes, and looks.
Bodies naturally grow, get bigger, and change shape throughout life, especially during puberty. Helping children and teens understand that these changes are expected can promote a healthier, more accepting view of their developing bodies that can continue throughout their lives.
A person’s value and worth come from their character, relationships, interests, and strengths and not their weight or shape.

Parents Are Powerful Role Models

Children and teens are constantly observing and hearing the adults around them. They notice how parents talk about their own bodies, what they say about food, and how they respond to weight and appearance.

Everyday conversations about food, weight, and appearance can influence the messages children internalize. For example:

“I need to work off this dessert.”
“I need to start eating better after this weekend.”
“I was bad – I ate too much.”
“I don’t want to wear this – it makes me look bigger.”
“You look amazing! Have you lost weight?”
Although these statements may seem insignificant and be well-intentioned, they can unintentionally teach children and teens that food should be earned, food holds moral value, or appearance determines value.

Instead, try modeling balanced messages such as:

“That meal was really satisfying.”
Representing all food groups in a meal
“All foods can fit in a balanced diet.”
Encouraging rest and recovery after exercise
Children often learn more from what we model than from what we explicitly teach.

Creating Positive Conversations About Food

Parents don’t need to become nutrition experts to foster healthy eating habits. Often, simple shifts in language can make a meaningful difference. Rather than focusing on weight or restricting foods, consider emphasizing curiosity, flexibility, and body awareness.

For example, instead of asking, “Are you sure you want another serving?” you might ask, “How is your body feeling? Are you still hungry?”

Instead of describing foods as “junk” or “cheat foods,” consider using more neutral language, such as “everyday foods” and “fun foods.” This shift helps reduce guilt while encouraging balance and flexibility.

Supporting Healthy Body Image

When compliments consistently focus on appearance, children may begin to believe that how they look is the most important thing about them. One of the most effective ways to promote positive body image is by broadening the conversation beyond appearance.

Compliment children and teens on qualities such as:

Kindness
Perseverance
Creativity
Curiosity
Sense of humor
Problem-solving

Why the Back-to-School Season Can Be Challenging

The return back-to-school is often an exciting time for children and teens – sports restart, new clubs are joined, and time is spent with friends every day. These changes and adjustments can also create opportunities for body image concerns to develop or increase. For example, participating in sports can lead to strong desires to be more lean or muscular. Social media is often rife with “back-to-school glow-up” content encouraging children and teens to look a certain way. Body and appearance comparison can become more frequent when surrounded by peers.

Recognizing Warning Signs

While occasional concerns about appearance are common, it’s important for parents to be aware of signs that may indicate a deeper body image issue is developing.

Parents should pay attention to:

Skipping meals, or eating less at meals
No longer wanting to eat out at restaurants
Eliminating entire food groups from diet
Obsessive calorie counting
Excessive exercise, of frequent movement (e.g., walking, pacing, abdominal exercises, push-ups, etc.)
Frequently looking in the mirror or at reflection
Spending more time getting ready
Frequently saying “not hungry”
Avoiding social situations involving food
Greater anxiety and irritability, particularly around food/eating
Early recognition and intervention can make a meaningful difference.

Three Everyday Scenarios

“I Feel Fat.” Your 15-year-old comes home from school and says, “I feel so fat. Everyone else is so much skinnier than me.” Many parents instinctively respond, “Don’t say that – you look beautiful!”
Although well-intentioned, this response can unintentionally dismiss the child or teen’s feelings. Instead, try responding with curiosity and empathy: “I’m really glad you told me. It sounds like something happened today. Can you tell me more about what’s been on your mind?” This opens the door for more conversation.
“I’m Just Trying to Be Healthy.” Your teenager announces they’re eating healthier. Over the next several weeks they eliminate multiple food groups, refuse family meals, and become increasingly rigid about food.
Rather than assuming this is simply healthy eating, approach the conversation with curiosity: “I’ve noticed you’ve become much more focused on food and exercise lately. How have you been feeling?”

Rigid food rules and increasing anxiety around eating deserve attention, even when they are described as “healthy.”
“Everyone Online Looks Better Than Me.” Your child begins comparing themselves to influencers they follow on social media. Instead of immediately criticizing social media, invite discussion: “What do you like about that account? How does it make you feel after you look at it?”
Helping children and teens recognize filters, editing, and unrealistic standards can reduce the impact of appearance-based comparisons. Parents do not need to be perfect to raise children with healthy relationships with food and their bodies. What matters most is creating an environment where children feel accepted, supported, and safe talking about difficult topics.

Small, consistent messages, like sharing family meals, avoiding negative body talk, praising qualities beyond appearance, and modeling flexibility around food, can have a lasting impact.

Ultimately, the goal is not to raise children who love every part of their bodies every day. The goal is to help children develop respect for their bodies, trust their internal cues, and understand that their worth extends far beyond how they look.

If you’d like to learn more about how to support a healthy relationship with food and body image at home, join us for our upcoming free webinar: Building Healthy Relationships with Food and Body: A Parent’s Guide on Wednesday, September 23 at 7 p.m.

This webinar will provide an introduction to eating disorders, review common signs and misconceptions, and offer practical, evidence-based guidance for creating a more supportive and balanced environment at home. To register, click here.